Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Need To Be

On bad days when I try to get out and do something such as go to the store or ride my bike, I soon feel the need to get back to my appartment. Sometimes I cover the windows with my draped afgans and hybernate.

It feels almost like my identity is being absorbed when I am out and about. It takes a long while to feel better after I've returned home. It's a terrible feeling which I am sure
many people have.....low self esteem which can go even lower when around people. It seems like a loss of my self that leaves my physique grasping at anything just to feel better. I
will smoke more, eat a lot more, and be very restless.

I try to keep busy and also try to sleep as much as I can. It really does feel as if "I" don't exist.